Eighteen

So, I'll be eighteen in four more days. Que divertido.

The more I think about it, the less appealing turning eighteen sounds. There are more negative repurcussions of turning eighteen than there are positive benefits. I can now buy cigarettes, porn, and lotto tickets now, whoopdedoo. The only real benefit that I see would be to sign my own permission slips for random field trips or whatever, but school's almost over anyway. When I'm eighteen, I'll have to sign up for the Selective Serivce card thing, bah. I can vote though...yet I'm now considered a legal adult and that if I do get involved in a crime, it'll be more serious (not implying anything here).

At age 12, you can fly on the plan alone. At age 13, you can finally watch those PG-13 movies. At age 16, you can get your driver's license. At age 17 you can watch Rated R movies. And then the fun stops and the responsibilities start to pile on.

Truth is though, once I get to college, my responsibilities will drop by a lot. No more having to take of my grandmother, no more having to chauffer my cousins around, no more having to pay all these bills for random things, no more having to worry about all that. For most people, college is a big step up in responsibilities because they would have to live by themselves. But I'm already essentially like that with all this other crap. Maybe this is a good thing because with the sudden relief from all these responsibilities, I'll be able to concentrate and excel much better in college. No impulses to finally have the "away from home" rebeliousness and go party and stuff like that. The only party that I'll have would be a private realization that now, I have it easier than everyone else--I've got the advantage.

Unofrtunately, it's not that easy for me yet. I still have to decide where I should go for college. If I got to UW, everything would be just peachy for the whole family since everyone will be up in Seattle and all that jazz and will be able to look after my grandmother. UW is the cheapest anyway, so it only makes sense right? However, UW doesn't have the major or degree that I want, which is either a BArch or a BS in Architecture. They only have a BA in Architecture that doesn't really appeal to me because I'm not an art person trying to pick up science for my architecture. I'm a science person trying to pick up artistic elements for my architecture. I would prefer to just graduate in five years with the professional BArch degree so that I'll get the jumpstart in the work force. Other schools are the ones that provide the better architecture programs that I want. I also just have this urge to not want to deal with any more of the responsibilities I have now for the next four or five years so that I can finally have a good time to just focus on school without worrying abotu anything else so that I can actually show more of my potential in excelling than being bogged down by everything else because well, they are just more important than school.

Should I sacrifice myself and my academic success so that the whole family situation can be easily solved or should I go with my inner urges to go my own path so that I can develop myself without being hampered by other factors? It seems that most of the time, those who go their own path usually end up being worse off than they would have been. However, there's still the Jack Bauer factor in which he ended up being much better than he was by going his own path away from his family. Going to UW would basically be the ideal decision for me to make in my family's current situation. Everything would fall into place with all the variables if I just decide to go to UW. That decision would act like a physics equation that just makes everything work. But what about that equation? It gets nothing out of itself being an equation. Is that all I would be though? Just an equation that serves the purpose of making all the variables connect with each other? Yet, choosing my own path would make me seem like an inhibitor of an enzyme. Whether I'm a competitive or a non-competitive one is up for further speculation. But I just really hamper the way things would flow if I choose to not go to UW and go somewhere else--both financially and fluidity of our familiy. Would I be feeling a little sense of guilt if I went my own way? Probably a bit. I'll also feel much worse off if things aren't working out smoothly just because I didn't choose the path to help make the family better.

So I'll be eighteen soon. Being a legal adult, most kids just can't wait to go out living on their own and away from family. Eighteen--the symbolic parental freedom for a teenager. I've had my freedom from parents since I was 16 along with the load of all these other responsibilities that people don't usually have to think about until after they graduate from college. I haven't abused my freedom. I don't go do stupid things and party or host parties or anything because I believe that controlling oneself is one of the responsibilities that people should hold regardless.

So where I am I going with this post? I'm not sure. Maybe it's just the thought that this is just going to be one more decision that I will have to make that will completely alter my future as well as my family's future. Pressure's on..true pressure that when you look back on, you'd still consider it a high-pressure situation rather than just shrug off as something that's easy now like we all do with educational advances (writing essays, writing labs, doing labs, etc).

So the choices I have: To help make the family situation easier, or to pursue my own goals. Pressure's on.